Sense of Self
For Horton Cooley (1902/1922) selfhood is the result of three elements: 1) The imagination of our appearance to others; 2) Our imagination people’s judgment of our appearance; 3) The feeling that might arise from that, such as pride or mortification. He believed our sense of self was flexible and constantly being reshaped by our experiences and by the imagined effect of our reflection upon another’s mind. It is not necessary for others to actively judge our appearance. Only our assumption of others engaging in judgmental attitude towards our appearance could affect our sense of self. There is an increased attempt towards personal self-creation in today’s western society. Nevertheless, we are forever social beings. We all crave being seen, loved and even admired… and we fear it’s opposite: rejection.
Personhood: During social interaction people tend to look at each other’s eyes and “read” their faces, making non-verbal communication possible. In this interaction, there is a look at and a reflection. There is a holding and a taking in, a way of being someone and a way of displaying the self. It is as a liminal representation process in which the relation between self and others is put on the table and negotiated. There is a role the person plays, an image that seeks to display, and a request for others to enter into the interplay as audience. By playing audience, others are requested to pay attention and to believe. This search for gaze and belonging comes with a price.
In Greek philosophy, “person” is related to a role someone plays in society. There is no distinction of individuality other than the one that involves a place and an inter-role in society. For Skeat (1910) person, defined as “character, individual, body” and “to sound through” (p. 436), derives from Latin personne: “Mask used by an actor, a personage, a character, part played by an actor” (p. 436), a person playing a role in society. The very moment we ask a child to say “thank you” when he does not feel grateful, we are asking of him to develop a social persona apt for social norms even when this might require telling a lie.
In Greek philosophy, “person” is related to a role someone plays in society. There is no distinction of individuality other than the one that involves a place and an inter-role in society. For Skeat (1910) person, defined as “character, individual, body” and “to sound through” (p. 436), derives from Latin personne: “Mask used by an actor, a personage, a character, part played by an actor” (p. 436), a person playing a role in society. The very moment we ask a child to say “thank you” when he does not feel grateful, we are asking of him to develop a social persona apt for social norms even when this might require telling a lie.
Self-creation: Meaning has a social context, involves feeling and purpose that affects our sense of self. Every day we negotiate meaning and our self-value. McAdams (2008) says that the most powerful discourses of personal growth in American society tend to be individualistic self-affirming (i.e. personal liberation, recovery, atonement, self-actualization, social mobility). At times it feels like going even further: we might feel society expects us to be self-creative. While such idea might sound encouraging and safe, it is not. Self-creation is isolating. It will eventually make us extremely sensitive, and debilitating us in the long run. Humans are social creatures. We cannot do it all by ourselves. We need to interact. Being psychologically healthy is the best way of not experiencing interaction as a hard exposure. An emotionally strong person does not experience loss of self-value upon other people’s judgments.